Step One: Find your "Why"

My first step preparing for my retreat was to clarify my purpose for the trip.  Was I relaxing, creating, or sleeping? Was I stressed, exhausted, or just stuck?

I needed this trip for some alone time to get my creative juices flowing.  It was important to me that I have time to begin creating my next project for The Whole Teacher and I needed alone time to do that.  For a long time I have wanted to get away to a cottage near the dunes on Cape Cod and write while the winter winds were blowing snow drifts.  Spring in Massachusetts had other plans, to my delight the weather was be beautiful and allowed for some outdoor excursions.

Step Two:  Set your intention

I knew I needed to relax and renew, but I also wanted to balance that with actual work writing.  I wouldn't have considered my retreat a success unless I left with some writing completed and a good solid plan for the future … something I could implement easily when I returned to my busy life.  What is your purpose?  Define it ahead so you are not disappointed if you don't get around to doing what you most wanted to do.  But leave some room for intuition.  Listen to what your soul is asking for.

Step Three:  Select your "Where"

I knew that I had been called to the Cape.  I have been looking online at inns and hotels that seem to meet my needs for location (the dunes) and safety and security of going alone.  I also wanted someplace near some trails or historic locations, even if it rained I could sit and sip coffee in my car at a beach lot while working on some drafts. I also knew that I love driving down historic Route 6A, so part of the treat for me was enjoying the trip itself.  Where would you like to go?  Does it need to be close by?  Is the ride part of your retreat?  Do you want to drive, fly, or boat?  All of this depends on your purpose and the amount of time you have for your retreat.

Step Four:  Decide on your "When" 

I actually started planning on this being a winter get away, but it took me into early Spring.  My "when" was affected by tourist season.  I knew it would cost less and be much quieter in the off season.  I also picked a quiet weekend to be away from family .. no commitments.  What is a good time for you?  How long do you need?  A day, a weekend, a couple of hours?  Even a mini retreat can do wonders if designed well.  

Step Five:  Choose your "What" and your "Won't"

I thought very hard before I left, about what I wanted to do on my retreat.  I wanted silence, nature, nourishing food, and time for creativity.  I also knew what I wanted to avoid …things that would suck up my time:  web browsing that was not specific research, television, top 40 radio, talk radio, too much contact with the outside world.  It was so empowering to set these ahead of time and so much easier to fend off distractions if I went astray.

Step Six:  Pack your "Tools"             

Keep it simple.  I knew that I had a vision of my comfort and packed comfy clothes for lounging, my big terry cloth robe, layers for outside, colored pencils, post-its, markers, and journals for creating, my lap top for posting blogs and research, poetry books, prayer beads,  and note cards for inspiration.

There were also things I knew I did not need to bring: dressy clothes, uncomfortable but fashionable shoes, too many books, etc. 

Your materials should meet your purpose.  Don't bring too much.  Sometimes less is more.

Thinking ahead and following these steps will help you to focus on what's important to you, and alleviate some of the overwhelm we feel when we put such emphasis on the occasion.  Don't forget to leave some room for impulse and adventure if it fits your purpose.   Best wishes!

Last year I went with several women from my church to a monastery in New York nestled on the banks of the Hudson River.  It was a moving and life changing experience.  This year I knew I needed time to myself to connect with my spirit, creativity, and inner voice.  I have been working on newsletters and a new book for The Whole Teacher, but felt stuck and unmotivated.  I needed quiet time alone to reflect.

So much to everyone's surprise I decided instead of waiting for another group retreat, I would create my own.  It was very simple, but not very easy.  I knew I wanted and needed to go alone, but as a mother and wife it was not very natural to me.  At every corner I caught myself almost inviting friends or family to come with me.  When this popped up, I reminded myself of my purpose and tried to let got the feelings of guilt and discomfort that mom's feel even when heading to restroom for alone time.

So here in these blog entries are my journey.  I share with you as a support in your quest for a retreat, and also possibly a retreat of the senses as you read along. 

It was heaven.  The children looked up at me with their big wide eyes.  They were not afraid to participate.  We sang songs, chanted, colored, and pasted.  It was the perfect language learning environment.

So I took the plunge and began teaching alongside my friend and two other teachers, each of whom had taught for a minimum of twenty years.  I loved the atmosphere and the camaraderie, but then after a few years something changed.

My 2 young boys became the same age as my students ,and nothing would ever be the same.  I had a 2 year old and a five year old at home, and 24 four and five year olds at school.  Instead of going home full of pride and joy, I went home exhausted, only to play the same role and use the same language in the same tone of voice.  I spent every waking moment trying to convince these little people to make good choices and use indoor voices and I was tired.  I felt like I had pins and needles poking into me for all the times someone needed something from me.

The worse part was I felt like a failure and a fraud.  I was comparing  myself to these women who had been teaching this age for decades and still had amazing creativity and passion for their jobs.  I wanted to be the teacher I would want for my boys, but I wanted to be somewhere else.  I tell you this story, because we all know it.  The discomfort that comes from not taking the time for peace and quiet, from not listening to myself.

Thus, I share some ideas for adding a touch a quiet to your day.  They may seem very simple, but I can assure you it is not always easy for us to do something only for ourself.  Please try.  We all need you to be the best you can be.  Here they are.

5 Ways to Find Peace and Quiet in Your Day

1.  Learn to meditate.  Do it daily.

On this month’s Whole Teacher Holiday 911 call, Grace gave us a great point to help quiet the mind during meditation.  She suggested that as thoughts came through (like we know they will) to focus instead on the space between the thoughts.  As  you let the thoughts pass by, focus on making the space bigger and bigger.

2.  Try using aromatherapy to calm your senses.

Lavender is great for relaxation.  We all have scents that we associate with past experiences.  The smell of dove brings me back to my grandmother’s bathroom as a little girl.  Find the scents that you associate with relaxing, and one sniff can change your state.

3.  Read an inspirational story or poetry. 

I have a book of poetry by Hafiz that my yoga instructor would read from before each class.  Now, when I read those poems, I can get right to my most relaxed state.

4.  Listen to quiet music or soothing nature sounds and dim lighting.

A few summers ago I helped my sister out by working as a receptionist in her spa.  I loved the calming music that swept through the reception area and relished the contrast to my own job as a high school guidance counselor.  In my office things are often hectic with people always popping in with problems that need assistance.  I decided to adopt some of the same atmosphere techniques for my office.  I’ve turned off the overhead lights and brought in lights from home, but what students appreciate the most is the music.  I have collected CD’s, but often log into internet radio on the computer.  There are some great ambiance stations that bring me right back to the spa.

5.  Finally, if you can’t escape the noise, consider ear plugs.

Look for the white squishy ones used for sound (not swimming).  They come in handy for loud concerts or snoring family members.

The irony is that at this moment my reality is anything but silent.  The fan on the stove is now set to hyper boost as I bake cupcakes for my youngest who turned 9 today to bring to school tomorrow.  I am trying to clear out a house full of smoke from the fire caused from drippings of the flan I baked earlier with my older son for his Spanish class .  "La comida esta en fuego!"

The dishwasher is humming with it’s second load of dishes from the family party we had last night.  And in the midst of this, I am attempting to write about the importance of finding a "piece of quiet" when the post I am working on disappears into thin air.  It is at this point when the little voice of my inner critic begins asking me "Who do you think you are?" as I attempt to finish the work I had planned for my own business this"quiet" evening (and check the oven once more for flames).  It’s funny how I have no problem hearing him over the roar of kitchen appliances.

I could listen to this voice.  I am tired and beat from a weekend of "busyness", but I know exactly why I am the person to do this job.  I know why I have worked so hard to make The Whole Teacher a reality.  I know how much time teachers put into their work. I know how hard it is to do it all.  I know first hand how our best laid plans often fall to the wayside (or up in flames).  I know how we often put ourselves last on our list, and I know how much we crave a group of like-minded people to support us as we try to be the best for our students. 

Therefore I choose to look at the lesson and try to find the humor in the situation.  There are many parts of life we can’t control, but it’s only what we make of it.  We all have this inner critic’s voice inside of us.  The stressors are inevitable, but we must build our resilience by taking care of ourselves and building reserves of what we need most.  Right now I need to finish my baking, close up the windows, and head upstairs to a quiet candle-lit bedroom (better yet let’s forget the candle) and follow my own advice for silence.  Who knows what inspiration will come when I take the time to listen?